Reintegration, Weekend 2: Complete failure

Our second attempt at reintegrating D into our home was to pick her up on Friday evening….

• D was picked up from Edgewood around 5.
• She was brought to our house where the plan was to watch movies.
• She and I went to blockbuster to rent Twilight.
• S joined us so we could all spend the evening together. She even cooked Lasagna.
• The night (and movie) went well.
• Around 11, D wanted to watch another movie, but J and I were going to bed. We were watching our niece that evening and didn’t know when she would be waking up.

Around 2am, our bedroom door opens. S tells me that D needs to be taken back to Edgewood.

• It was a whirlwind but they were screaming and yelling at each other because S told D that she could not go to the car to get her purse.
  • Evidently, D keeps cigarettes in her purse, and S did not want her smoking.
• J wakes up and tries to assertion the situation but she is just pulled into the commotion.
• Apparently, D had been hovering over S in a threatening manner, repeating the same several questions over and over again. I still don’t fully understand what happened.

We were specifically told in our meeting at Edgewood that if D acted up in any way, she should be taken back.

• We tried packing her things and getting in the car but she refused to go.
• She was screaming at the top of her lungs like a child and was even banging her head against the walls.
• I can’t physically move her because I am not her real father, and I don’t want to risk going to jail.
• I called Edgewood to see what they recommended and they told me to call the police, so I did.
• Neither J nor S appreciated that.

The police arrive around 2:30am.

• Long story short, there is nothing they can do.
• They can’t force her into a car because if she jumps out, they would be liable.
• They told me that we should be dealing with this ourselves and not calling the police because she was not violent.
• I tried explaining that this behavior was (and always has been) a precursor to violence, but their hands were tied.
• During this time, S was sitting on the hallway steps crying. She stated that she had no idea that I would call the police and if she did, she would not have asked for my help.

I asked one of the officers what kind of message this was giving to D, if the police came and stated to her that they could do nothing to defuse the situation?

• At that point he became very defensive and accused me of making them out to be the bad guys.
• He claimed that he didn’t know her (although one of the officers there did), and that she wasn’t violent a danger to herself in anyway.
• I confronted him and said that just a moment ago, J told him that D was banging her head against the wall. Doesn’t that constitute as being ‘a danger to herself? He said that J never said that and that i was changing the story to fit my own needs.
• He also said that he saw no signs of violence or “holes in any of the walls”.
• I turned and pointed out the giant hole in my bedroom door that was literally 5 feet behind me.
• His tone was becoming more agitated and he said that he had no way of knowing whether or not I made that hole.
• Eventually, he walked away and went into the room where one of the other officers was talking to J, D and S.

If D were going to be taken back to Edgewood, who would take her?

• I volunteered as it would be the safest and most practical decision.
• S offered to take her, but I loudly reminded everyone of the numerous times that D has gotten physically violent with her and been arrested for it. (Yes, D hits her grandmother).

S also stated “I’ll take here anywhere but Edgewood. Anywhere but back to that place.”

• Thanks, S! Way to once again undermined everything that we had been doing.
• Eventually, the police left. Their suggestion was to NOT take her back to Edgewood and let her spend the night. Then take her back in the morning when she was calmer.
• I went downstairs to calm down a bit and eventually found my way back up. I had a lot to say.

S and J were having a conversation in my room and I interrupted, asking S very plainly why she continued to undermine the idea of D going back to Edgewood?

• All she could do was walk away. But I kept on. “Why would you say something like that in front of her, when just the other day, we all met and agreed that we should continue to appear as a unified front?”
• She could do nothing except give a blank stare like a deer in headlights.

Nothing was accomplished so we went to bed. J informed me that she was having that same conversation with her mom when I barged in. D has been manipulating everyone, and here we all were, fighting, once again.

The next day, D was taken back to Edgewood after a long hot shower and a huge breakfast at a diner. Any repercussions for her behavior? She missed her chance to see the new Twilight sequel. It hardly seems appropriate, but there was really nothing left to do….

Next week is thanksgiving. She will be with us for an entire weekend. This has bad news written all over it…..

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