Reintegration for Thanksgiving – Outlook not good.

We leave for our road trip tomorrow.

We took D home this evening so she could drive down to their family tomorrow morning. The idea that she would be driving in a car for 5 hours with S is not something I am comfortable with. I can’t imagine what kind of undermining things they will talk about, but ultimately, it’s the safest for everyone involved.

Last night J and I specifically talked about the consequences and reiterated everything that had been said in previous counceling meetings.

D was home for about 2 hours before she erupted.

I went out for a literally 30 minutes, and when I came home, I could hear them screaming at each other from outside. I had walked into a shit storm. The fight was regarding D getting on MySpace, which we (the family) had decided was a very negative influence on her life right now. D wanted to email her real father (not her other step father). This was completely random and we suggested that it be written down. She, of course, didn’t want to, because we all know that she just wanted to go online to talk to her friends.

D proceeded to hover. That’s what she does best.

She will stand in one spot and repeat the same question for hours. Ignoring her works, but J isn’t capable of doing that. She tries to reason with her. Tonight, I wasn’t having it. J told D that these behaviors were exactly why she was still at Edgewood. D stated that she was actually showing incredible restraint. That it was taking every bit of her to not punch a hole in the wall. I had to interject: “Do it! Punch a hole in the wall!” I had pissed of D and J, but my comment had the exact effect that I was looking for.

D stormed off into her room, slammed the door, and proceeded to find some other activity to keep herself busy. She was now expressing her anger in a way not directed towards her mother.

Did I receive a single ‘Thank You’? No, instead I was told that I was acting like a child and my behavior was infantile. How about the fact that D is now constructively working on an art project and not screaming? Isn’t that positive?

Irrelevant. “I am stupid and I acted like a child.”

Ultimately, J once again stated how that sort of behavior proves that fact that I do not need to be involved in D’s life at all. Fantastic, maybe it would be best if I didn’t subject myself to this nonsense this weekend and not go with you to your family’s for Thanksgiving. You’ve already broken your own rule of taking her back if there was a blow up.

It has only been two hours and D has already proven that she is in charge.

How do you really think this weekend is going to go? She tested J’s resolve and commitment to stick to her own rules, and J backed down. So I decided to rock the boat a little bit more. I text S and W to let them know that D had already melted down, and this weekend was a very bad idea. S called immediately to talk to D. I heard them arguing about the internet, which was the whole point of the melt down. J was trying to tell D that I had been having problems networking the house, setting up the separate networks, etc. But I wasn’t having that either.

D needs to be told the truth. We need to stop lying to her or she will never actually have a clear idea of the rules and boundaries that we’ve set up.

I yelled upstairs that there was nothing wrong with the internet. I had disabled her room’s access when WE, the family, decided that she was not ready to have it. Plain and simple, black and white. No one was really listening though, except J, who now was claiming that she had no idea that I disconnected it. How convenient that just one week ago, we set up those rules in our first family therapy session.

Just one more day to Thanksgiving….

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