Positively Rewarding Negative Behavior

Friday came and went, but not without a few hiccups. Nothing seems to surprise me anymore, so I’ll just get right down to it.

Friday was catastrophically awful.

I don’t know what anyone expected. J tried her hardest to babysit her Niece while D’s aggression levels peaked. From what I understand, things were so bad, verbally and physically, that the only reason J did not call the police was because she was at her sister’s house. So I dare ask the question:

If her behavior was that bad, why wasn’t she taken back to the facility?

I have still yet to receive a straight answer. The closet I’ve gotten is that it was S’ decision to take her out of the facility so she can deal with the fallout.

That’s not exactly how I would choose to handle my child, but I guess when it comes down to it, maybe the reason I am not taken seriously is because she isn’t my child. Then again, that could just be another stem of this chaotic family dynamic.

S eventually caved, and D was able to make plans for her to go spend some time with her friends on Saturday.

That’s right. She was given a pass to go see her friend in the one town that we have been working so hard to keep her from. Not only that, but she was actually given permission to spend some time with her ex-boyfriend’s Mother to ‘help her move’. This in itself is extremely odd behavior and I don’t know why anyone would feel comfortable letting their 16 year old child hang out with a 36 year old woman. Regardless, after they arrived in Washington and drove around for an hour, the woman ended up canceling on Dakota (as anyone would expect a normal almost-forty year old woman to do). It’s sad, her heart was broken. Now what?

In a move of unparalleled negligence, S dropped off D to spend the day with friends that have been known to cause trouble.

It’s ok though, S will be picking her up at 8, and as always, things will run completely smoothly. Right. I would really like to know what kind of twisted fantasy world S is living in, and how or why she thought this would be a good idea. Are the history and possibility of drug use no longer a concern? What about the fact that she could easily run away? I guess things must really have been going well though because S and D have already already been making plans for D to see her friends for Halloween!

After everything we’ve been through, why would S put us into this chaotic situation?

Did I miss something here? Did D earn the right to spend time with her friends? Isn’t she in a residential facility for a reason? Why are we pulling her out and throwing her back into these destructive situations now that we might actually have some glimmer of hope. In reality though, the only thing that has come from the last few days is that J and I continue to fight. Is S so deceptive and manipulative that the destruction of our marriage is her ultimate goal?

Maybe S is just so depressed and miserable, that her goal is to make sure that everyone around her feel the way that she does.

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