Maintaining the Status Quo

D has been in a residential facility for almost a month now. During that time she has received virtually no therapy. All three of the school’s teachers were out on medical leave, and as a result, the therapists had to fill in. The only counseling she has had has been her grief counselor, which J drives her to every Tuesday.

The residential program so far has been a huge disappointment.

Despite many apologetic teachers, advisers, social workers, mentors and executives, things have only started to improve in the last few days. Coincidentally, this Tuesday marked the anniversary of the death of one of D’s close friends. We were told by her trauma counselor that this would be a huge event for her and to expect opposition. J and S picked D up on Tuesday and brought her to the grave. Without getting into specifics, the day turned into a violent catastrophe.

For the last two weeks, D’s behavior has continued to worsen as she becomes more comfortable with her surroundings.

Over the last two days, she had been issued ‘Red Flags’ for extreme behavior, disruption, etc. As a result of these flags, she loses her privileges and is forces to stay in her room throughout the day. This is an issue in itself, as the alone time causes her to obsess over events; she quite literally drives herself crazy. It’s a difficult situation, but she has the capacity to learn from her actions (which I have personally witnessed in the past), and since the loss of privileges only occurs for 24 hours, she can easily get herself out of the current situation… if she chooses.

True to form, her negative behavior has been positively rewarded by S taking her out of the home for the weekend and letting her spend time with her friends.

Without any notification to anyone, S decided to tell D that she could come home for the weekend! Apparently the plan which she decided was that she would spend Friday  with us, and Saturday / Sunday with her (keep in mind that she is currently living with her other Daughter and they just had a baby). Under more planned circumstances, I would have no problem letting D spend the day or even the weekend here, however our house is currently being remodeled and the living room is completely sealed off and emptied. Fine, so i guess she will be spending Friday, Sat and Sunday at J’s sister’s house. J’s sister, W, and her husband were also equally as upset, as they were never asked either.

So I guess S will continue to call the shots as she puts us all, most of all her granddaughter, in these regressive situations.

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